The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

I don't think I've ever read any book about depression. I mean not like this. I've read about suicide, in 13 Reasons Why, but it wasn't about depression. I've read about depression, in The Perks of Being A Wallflower, but it was subtle in my opinion that I didn't realize at that time. In this book, both Aysel and Roman admits that they have depression. They're being honest with themselves and they accept each other. They accept others' sadness and their acceptance slowly helps each other. Especially Aysel. When Aysel realises that she still has so much to live for it's just so beautiful. It happened so slowly, like she starts by thinking about the little, unimportant things. And then her own family. And then what she wanted to do about the future. It's just so beautiful to read, the process of healing. And I'm glad she finally speaks up about her feelings to others and start participating more.

I still feel bad for Roman though. Living with that kind of guilt of what you've done is definitely worse than living with fear of what you'll become. It's something you'll bear for the rest of your life, and it'll take much longer to heal.

I don't know anything about depression, and I never experience it. If it's really like what's described in this book, then it must be really horrible. It must be really bad to make you want to give up on life.

Overall, I highly recommended this book. The characters development are so amazing, and the plot is beautiful. And I do love the writing style, Aysel's voice is so powerful, she makes us reader believe and understand what is like to going through depression.

To end this review, here's my favorite quote from this book. I hope anyone who has problem who read this could feel better, even only slightly.

"... But this isn't even about me, or how I feel about you. I want you to live for you because I know there's so much more waiting for you to discover and experience. And you deserve it, you might not think you do, but you do. And I'm here to tell you that you deserve it."